Chapter 3 Company’s Coming!
The art of extending hospitality through gathering
Hello! I hope you are enjoying May, in my eyes the most beautiful month of the year! I love the rapid greening, the light mornings and busy bird song, the Hawthorn in bloom over the garden wall that I can see from here, waving its white spurs of blossom in the strong breeze and the promise of the elder nearby, even now coming into bud. Someone needs to bottle the essence of Spring!
So now to the next instalment of our journey of exploring hospitality together. I am really enjoying sharing my thoughts and ideas with you and look forward to your feedback and suggestions. Please do share your comments below. I love hearing from you!
In this chapter we’ll explore the reasons why, in an age of constant connectivity, getting together in person is still so valuable; we’ll gather some inspiration from others and begin to get practical about the ‘whys and wherefores’ of making gatherings of all kinds happen. We’ll begin to map, if you like, the route towards making our tables bigger. We’ll start to plan with purpose.
“..in French, the word for ‘map’ – carte – is also the word … for ‘menu’. Carte. Each word implies a spreading out, an exploration, a connection, a coming home. A welcome.” Joanne Harris
When you think about giving hospitality what first comes to mind? For many of us it will be about gathering people together at an event, which might be as simple as six people lounging about on a picnic blanket or as complex as a hundred guests banqueting at a celebratory party -or anything in-between. The common denominator: food! Some still like to gather socially online -a phenomenon that became a lifeline during the Pandemic and continues to be a useful way to get together across distance. However, here I’ll primarily talk about gathering in person. Firstly, because physically getting together with others is a valuable antidote to our sometimes isolated working-from-home worlds and secondly, because so many adults now live solo with little regular company. As of 2024 thirty percent of UK adults lived alone with half of them being 65-plus …that’s nearly a third of everyone in our communities.1 Becoming socially isolated and lonely are often the unwelcome consequences of both. And although some might prefer ‘doing’ church digitally, gaming with others or even dating online, they are a very particular form of gathering. People need and deserve to go deeper and wider. As Debbie Millman observed:
“Good things happen when people connect. Gathering is about connection. But not necessarily digitally: “We’re more connected than ever. But it doesn’t always feel that way…”
Gathering in person is, I believe, a vital antidote to the disconnection that so easily lurks. It creates human and spiritual connections and helps build a sense of personal identity, belonging and community. As Hebrews 10: 24-5 advises “don’t give up meeting together as some are in the habit of doing …but encourage one another by doing so.” While written in the context of meeting together for worship, prayer and discipleship, this ancient counsel is relevant to every part of life. Getting together is healthy for humans. It supports wellbeing. Let’s imagine some neighbours for a moment: that young family’s relatives can’t give them much support - they live a long distance away; that man is a key worker with a long commute and unsocial hours, mainly existing on takeaways and canteen snacks; the elderly lady on the corner is ‘shut in’ by frailty and age and eats her ‘meals on wheels’ alone day in day out. That young woman who works full-time in a local shop whose only community is her workplace team -they’ll maybe have one Christmas and one summer ‘do’ together a year. If offered the chance, any one of our neighbours might really value our hospitality, might value gathering with us…if we were to really see them and invite them. And I challenge myself in this.
New groups, new ways of getting together
So just how are people getting together? More widely, traditional meeting spots like pubs and clubs are in decline2, new ways of gathering are emerging among Millennials and Generation Z -the two demographic groups now at the heart of our society. While they may be globally connected online many are looking for something more significant to invest their precious offline time on in person. Research suggests that Millennials value groups and events “…that deepen community in ways that are powerful, surprising and perhaps even religious”. Whilst a pint in the pub is always welcome, they are looking for more. The How We Gather study found that few want to ‘attend’ church in a nominal sense, but they do value authentic community and creative opportunities to find a purpose in life. They’ll work hard at personal transformation if it helps them meet their life goals and they also want to see change in wider society. For proof we might look no further than those flocking to train like crazy and compete in major city marathons or cycle races around the world - many of them raising funds for charity as they go!